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Cable Technology Feature Article

October 14, 2013

I Just Fixed Television

By Ryan Sartor, Content Quality Editor

There is a great discussion going on among cable nerds regarding the future of television. Some believe that our current model (usually around $200 per month for TV, Internet and landline phone) will last forever. Others think that an ala carte system is inevitable.

I’ve got it figured out, though. And with my calculations, the most you’ll pay for the three typically bundled services will be $80 a month, beginning immediately. Skeptical? Let’s break it down:

Landline Phone (News - Alert)

No one needs a landline phone. So, they shouldn’t exist anymore. If you still own one, throw it in a garbage receptacle, immediately. In fact, landlines are illegal. If we find one, you’ll be arrested (just kidding, not really).


Since Google (News - Alert) is already making billions of dollars mining our data, they should say, ‘To Heck with Cable Companies’ and manufacture a few hundred thousand more of those giant balloons they’ve been sending out to Africa. Bring these balloons to U.S. suburbs, cities and rural areas. Give us free Wi-Fi in exchange for all of the data you want (free cell phone service, too, through the balloons? Please and thank you).


If I watch television, it’s done so legally. Whether through my $200 a month cable plan, or by purchasing a 22-minute episode of Dads in stunning HD for only $2.99 through the iTunes store. I pay for content often, always and happily.

But I’ve got this friend, Timothy. Timothy says, “I don’t have a lot of money. I like to stream content for free through illegal services.” I met up with Timothy for lunch last week at the free quesadilla sample stand at Costco and asked him for a solution. Here’s his Future of TV plan:

Your television receives access to every channel. If you watch an hour of content on a channel, it costs 49 cents. If you watch four hours of content, it costs $1.96. You can’t be charged more than $1.96 per channel and no matter how many channels you watch, you can’t be charged more than $80 per month. In this way, people who watch very little television could pay a small amount. People who watch a lot of television will still only pay $80.

That’s all I’ve got. Cablevision: Your move.

Edited by Stefania Viscusi

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